Page 101 - AVN January 2020

1. TELL THEM WHAT YOU REALLY THINK
People should talk about sex more with the person(s)
they are having sex with. The people who do the weirdest
shit discuss first. There’s some before-sex negotiation
involved in tying someone up to the couch, then leaving
them to go grocery shopping. And some discussion is
needed before shoving giant sex toys up someone else’s
butt.
Sex educator Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com
says, ”If you share the things you think might end the
relationship and the relationship doesn’t end, you’re
having a relationship.” Reid advises, “Make a New
Year’s resolution to practice saying what you’re not
saying. It’s what we don’t say that erodes the intimacy
in relationships. This includes the positive stuff, too.
Withheld appreciations over time end up damaging the
relationship as much as our resentments.”
Dr. Jessica O’Reilly of SexWithDrJess.com says
you can’t go wrong with giving more compliments.
“Compliment your partner every day. Don’t hold back.
Let them know how wonderful they are.”
2. TALK ABOUT WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU
You can’t change what you don’t bring up. Instead
of being mad at each other and shutting down, talk
to each other about what’s bothering you. If you hate
something your partner is doing, whether it’s something
relationship-y or something sexual, like ejaculating in
10 seconds, discuss. Each of you should write down
three things you think could be improved, phrased
in the positive, as opposed to “You blow your load so
fast I rarely have an orgasm and am secretly pissed off
afterward.” Instead say, “I think if you would slow down
more, and if we could make out longer, it would give me
a chance to warm up and have more orgasms.” Radical
honesty = frequent orgasms.
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