Page 70 - AVN May 2015

editor’s choice
Pretty Dangerous
AAAA 1/2
Wicked Pictures
Wickedb2b.com
Director: Stormy Daniels
Cast: Asa Akira, Anikka Albrite, Allie
Haze, Chanel Preston, Britney Amber,
Romi Rain, Stormy Daniels, Steven St.
Croix, Jack Vegas, Brendon Miller, Seth
Gamble, Mick Blue. 137 Min.
Category: Comedy
MOVIES
Pretty Dangerous starts like an
action-adventure thriller, with two
black-clad Uzi-wielding mercenaries
shooting their way into a fortified
enclave in Chernobyl, but when
the title card identifies the female
mercenary as “IVY BLACK:
FORMER FOREIGN SERVICE
OFFICER TURNED CONTRACT
KILLER/JEWEL THIEF, DOCTOR
OF ARCHEOLOGY, LISTED AS
THE MOST WANTED WOMAN
IN THE WORLD FOR CRIMES
INCLUDING: MURDER,
TREASON, KIDNAPPING, ARSON
AND DATE RAPE” you realize it’s
an action-adventure thriller comedy,
an observation confirmed when one
mercenary drops a bad guy with a
no-look, over-the-shoulder burst
of bullets. The mercenaries’ goal is
jewels, starting with a diamond a
little bigger than a hockey puck, one
of five gems that—when collected
together—can give the holder world
domination.
Meanwhile, in Miami, goofy
smartass cop Steven St. Croix is back on the job (“Here’s your
gun—try not shooting yourself ... again”) with dubious new
partner Jack Vegas (“You’re not gay? A woman married you?”)
who needs a big drink and a busty blonde (Britney Amber)
after a long day sharing a squad car with St. Croix. Turns out
Amber is a hooker and Vegas gets caught in a john sting—
getting Vegas and St. Croix demoted to bicycle duty.
Stormy’s operatives Anikka Albrite and Asa Akira
(pictured above) safecrack their way to another giant gem
in Austria, with Albrite distracting guard Mick Blue with
inside information (“I hear you got a divorce last week. Your
brother sent me. If you’re not interested, that’s okay, but my
fee is non-refundable.”) The ensuing anal-inclusive scene is a
showcase for the AVN and XRCO Male and Female Performers
of the Year. Albrite and Akira team up with Allie Haze to take
the next two gems: One from “ditzy hotel heiress” London
Radisson (!) on her private island and the other from the
wreck of the pirate ship Wicked Storm (!!).
The thieves and the cops cross paths at the coffee house,
where Albrite’s comment “let’s go steal a diamond” gets
Vegas’ attention. But St. Croix responds to Vegas’ “they’re
up to something big” with a cynical, “Hasn’t your ‘big thing’
gotten us in enough trouble?” The thieves send Akira into
Radisson’s island hideaway as a massage therapist (“It’s
because I’m Asian, isn’t it?”) to distract Radisson and her new
fiancé, rapper Puff Dicky (Seth Gamble), while Albrite and
Haze steal the gem. A quick stop at the shipwreck brings the
team to four out of five, and Stormy heads off to Egypt for the
last gem.
Hot on the trail, Vegas and St. Croix consult the latter’s
clairvoyant wife Romi Rain (“Is this an arranged marriage? Did
you lose a bet or something?”) who looks in her crystal ball
and gives them GPS coordinates that send them to—Egypt.
The final confrontation between the thieves and the cops plays
out like a James Bond movie, with fists flying and guns drawn
but no real feeling of danger, as the cops and the crooks tussle
over possession of the last gem.
Six sex scenes, well integrated into the action, and comedic
grace notes like Stormy ending a sex scene by taking a phone
call right after the pop, St. Croix loading up with donuts after
he learns that the coffee house comps police officers, and a
hilarious throwaway bit with Allie Haze and a sniper rifle will
keep viewers engaged.
— Tod Hunter
70 | AVN.com | 5.15