Page 93 - AVN April 2013

DVD Reviews 04.13.qxd 3/19/13 7:29 PM Page 93
Comp spotlight
reviews
Barb Wire XXX: A DreamZone Parody
DREAMZONE ENTERTAINMENT/VANTAGE DISTRIBUTION
VantageDist.com
D: Van Anderson. Cast: Britney Amber, Gigi Loren, Holly Michaels,
Jayden Jaymes, Raylene, Others. 82 Min.
Category: Parody - Drama
AAAA
It’s 2019, the U.S. is a war zone and Dark Horse Comics
heroine Barb Wire (Britney Amber) lives more or less in the
middle of it—and grabbing sex when they can seems to be the
rule, as when hooker Jayden Jaymes blows Derrick Pierce in
a dark alley, then gets busted by hooker licensing cop Ralph
Long, who gets a freebie.—Mark Kernes
Black Heat
JULES JORDAN VIDEO
JulesJordanVideo.com
D: Chris Streams. Cast: Ana Foxxx, Jayden Starr, Skin Diamond,
Tatiana Hope, Tatiyana Foxx, Others. 141 Min.
Category: Interracial
AAAA
For you sharp-eyed porn purists out there, this features
Tatiana Hope’s very first scene—and what a way to start! She
is paired with Mr. Pete and seems reasonably at home with
the camera as she bounces away on Pete and provides plenty
of good eye contact. —Dirty Bob
7 Topmodel Lesbian Trios (The Best by Private 194)
Private/Pure Play
We believe it was 19th-century social
theorist Harriet Martineau, or maybe it
was Al Goldstein, who once said, “There is
only one thing better than a pair of
lesbians, and that’s a trio.” And while we
cannot dispute the great, great wisdom of
those words, it would appear the Euro-
savants at Private have zeroed in on
something even better than that: a trio of
lesbians comprised entirely of topmodels .
Also, they have introduced the totally
brand-new word “topmodel” into the
lexicon. Nothing short of geniuses, those
guys, as far as we see it. So it is with the
utmost reverence and gratitude that we
bow down before them for gifting us, and
the world, with these seven awe-inducing
samples of this supreme sexual paradigm
they’ve identified, all on one disc.
Wherever you are, we’re slow-clapping for
you from the bottom of our hearts.
—Peter Warren
” The only thing better
than a pair of lesbians
One Third of the Trio
is a trio
Suiting up for a frolic
with other topmodels.
>>
(longer reviews on AVN.com)
ratings guide >
REVIEW GUIDE
AAAAA
A rare honor bestowed on only a handful of releases each year.
AAAA 1/2
categories >
All-Girl No boys, maybe some toys.
All-Sex Nothing but wall-to-wall action, baby.
Amateur Performers you’ve never heard of, shot with equipment
available at Target.
Anal Banging on the back door, mostly.
Big Butt The cheekiest porn around.
Big Bust Boobs, racks, melons, juggs ...
Ethnic Focus on performers of a specific ethnicity.
Feature Plot-oriented movies, aimed primarily at couples, emphasize
acting and dialogue.
Gonzo Porno vérité, in which performers acknowledge the presence of
the camera, frequently addressing viewers directly through it.
Interactive DVDs that allow viewers to choose from a range of
actions and performers.
Interracial For fans of dark and light meat.
Oral All about the pleasures of the mouth.
Parody Mainstream titles seen through the porn lens.
POV To misquote Christopher Isherwood, “You are the camera.”
Pro-Am Features little-known to unknown performers sometimes
paired with name stars.
Specialty Fetish and other specialized adult entertainment genres.
Genre specified in parentheses.
Vignette Sex scenes depicting self-contained stories or scenarios, with
or without a connecting device.
Young Girl The doctors of tomorrow funding their education today.
Outstanding. The sex is scalding; production values are top-notch.
AAAA
Excellent. Multiple orgasms assured. Stock several copies.
AAA 1/2
Above average. Definitely strokable. Unambiguous recommendation.
AAA
Average. Run of the mill. Par for the course. Get the picture?
AA 1/2
It’s a pretty run-down mill. And that sand trap is a bitch.
AA
You’ll probably need a crane to get it up.
A 1/2
Even a crane won’t help.
A
Try jerking off in the shower instead.
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