Page 98 - AVN July 2013

editor’s choice
AAAA 1/2
Vivid Celeb
Vivid.com
D Di ir re ec ct to or r: : Uncredited
C Ca as st t: : Farrah Abraham, James
Deen. 67 Min.
C Ca at te eg go or ry y: : Gonzo
MOVIES
Oh, Farrah Abraham ... where do
we begin with you? The most fit-
ting place, we think, would be
right at the beginning, so here it
goes: Anybody who became
familiar with this modern-day
poster child for irresponsibility
via her debut to the world on
MTV’s 16 and Pregnant knows
that if there are two defining
traits of her being, they are an
eyeball-clawing vapidness and a
blood-boiling obliviousness to the
concept of repercussions.
In other words, she’s had
“future porn star” written all over
her since day one. Yours truly
even joked during that show’s run
that it should have been called
Two Years to Porno. So it took an
extra two years.
As if it wasn’t morbidly titillat-
ing enough to see that sardonic
prediction actually come to
fruition, the spectacle of shame-
lessness that is Farrah Superstar:
Backdoor Teen Mom has been
accompanied by its own media
98 | AVN.com | 7.13
FARRAH SUPERSTAR:
BACKDOOR TEEN MOM
” This porn natural is hot.
She’s got a killer bod.
She fucks like a pro.
Backdoor Woman Farrah Abraham puts her assets on the
line in this project for “private use.”
So then, with all of that in mind, one
cannot help but ponder any number of
questions while viewing Backdoor Teen
Mom, including but not limited to:
• Why does Abraham keep calling Deen
“boyfriend”? If she’
s the only one who’s sup-
posed to be watching this, shouldn’t she of
all people be acutely aware that James Deen
is not and never has been her boyfriend? Is
that just what she calls whoever she hap-
pens to be fucking at any given time?
• Why do they not use a condom?
Granted, Deen made sure to inform the
press that he and Abraham got tested
together prior to shooting this, but if it
truly was not meant for commercial release, what are the odds that
either of them would opt to go condom-free with each other, tested
or no? (Notwithstanding that it was Abraham’s opting to go condom-
free which landed her in the public eye to begin with.)
• If we are to accept that Abraham hired Deen to have sex with her
side circus that makes the actual contents of the video all the more
outlandishly transfixing.
Let us review: Abraham first painfully attempted to feign having
no knowledge of the movie’s existence, while on the very same day
conveniently showing up in photos walking hand-in-hand with
James Deen into the Vivid building. Then James Deen told the
media he had been hired to shoot a movie with her. Then she told
the media she had hired James Deen to shoot a movie with her for
her own “private use,” and that she had specifically chosen the
world’s second most famous male porn star (after Ron Jeremy) for
the private project because she figured that would be the most sure-
fire way to “protect me and my privacy.” Before you could say “vacu-
um of logic,” the thing was on its way to market under the Vivid
Celeb banner, and Abraham was booked on a nationwide tour to
promote it, including an appearance at Exxxotica Ft. Lauderdale
alongside actual porn stars who make no pretentions about the porn
in which they star being anything else. And all the while, never has
Abraham wavered from the claim that her porn movie was originally
intended for no one’
s eyes but her own.
privately, and for nobody but herself to see, has she not by saying so
on national television openly confessed before all the world to com-
mitting solicitation? And is that in fact preferable to simply admit-
ting, “Yeah, I agreed to make a porno”?
OK. Now forget everything above. Because in the end, none of it
matters. All that really does is that Farrah Abraham is a porn natural.
She’s hot. She’s got a killer bod. And she fucks like a consummate
pro. Yes, she takes it up the ass ... eagerly and extendedly. And she
talks as dirty as a pirate hooker. And she squirts. And she giddily sub-
mits to a facial cum blast. Later, she fucks herself in the backseat of a
limo with a glass dildo, occasionally sliding her own finger into her
ass for added zest, with Deen egging her on from behind the camera,
at one point reaching out to give her a helping hand.
The bottom line is, this is one spectacular “celebrity sex tape.”
Maybe the best we
’ve ever seen. And that’s due at least in some part
to the ineffable satisfaction of seeing a girl like Farrah Abraham for
once completely abandon all guise of inhibition and literally lay bare
her true, utterly degenerate self. So suspend your disbelief, break out
the tissues and baby oil, and let the Teen Mom good times roll. You
will not be disappointed.
— Peter Warren